Saturday, December 31, 2005


I've been keeping track of this Investools infomercial lately and it got me doing a little research. Why? Well, like most infomercials, it sounds too dumb and too good to be true. You go to a free seminar and then you go from there.

I've learned that, if you can't get specific pricing on something then it's probably a scam. They want to exite you and lure you into their world (the seminar) and then BAM! try to sell you something then. Not gonna happen chumps.

But the infomercial itself (by the way it's for a program that will make you tons of money investing) has some quirky stuff in it.

This one woman says, “Investools gave us the opportunity to make the decision that I would be able to quit my career and stay home and do this full time. I owe them a great deal.”

She's sitting in the kitchen with a laptop that she clearly has no idea how to work. And she's thankful that being on the computer all day allowed her to quit her career?


One of the instructors looks like an underachieving failure after a major Hollywood makeover (tan, new clothes, new haircut) and some confidence gained from fooling older, more vulnerable people. A loser, basically.

It's tough to find information on the internet, usually you see all kinds of scam postings all over.

But they seem to have covered theire tracks somehow, because there's very little out there and most of it seems to be dummy information put out there by the company itself.

What I did figure out is that they try to sell you stuff that costs upwards of 10,000 dollars, all for information that is common knowledge on Wall Street. They also charge an outrageous monthly fee.

Unless those seminars are all about how to run your own scam, I wouldn't go anywhere near Investools. Just watch the infomercials if you want, they're very entertaining and you can almost see the actors in it and how their souls are already beggind for forgiveness.


Since the format is different from the old blog, I'll kind of explain first. These are just subject titles from spam mail that I've gotten.

I was getting tired of my girlfriend’s offensive jokes about my small penis.

And this is supposed to make me want to open this email because...?

The Aristocrats

I've been wanting to see this movie, mostly to see what Bob Saget looks like when he does dirty comedy. But that still hasn't happened yet.

I did, however, see the video of Cartman telling the Aristocrats joke. Have you seen this? Oh my god it's horrible.

I don't think even I could've come up with something like that, especially the 9/11 reference at the end there.


Friday, December 30, 2005

Skiles is on the Money

Topic: Bulls
They lost again last night and their effort sucked. I was reminded why no one likes the NBA anymore, it's just a bunch of guys arguing with the refs and trying to look good for the crowd.

But the Bulls weren't that way last season, I got hooked after the opening game and now I can barely watch them.

What is it?

Here is Skiles:

"I wish I could articulate it better. There are definitely things that are different in our key players since I've known them. It's clear we are struggling. During one stretch [the Bobcats] got four shots at the basket. They outhustled us around the basket. That's our formula. We have a healthy list of things we need to do."

I think it's the fact that those young players are focusing on their own struggles (Gordon, Chandler) and it's because of that that they aren't looking at the big, team picture. You can't play aggressive defense when the only thing going through your head is "Why aren't I starting? Why aren't my shots going in? Do I have to prove something after signing such a big contract?"

All these individual concerns are overshadowing the team. This isn't THE problem, but I'm sure it has to do with it.

I also liked this bit:

If Eddie Basden were a Knick, he probably would have started here Wednesday, where he went to college. Knicks coach Larry Brown has a tradition of starting players when they play in their hometowns or college towns. But Basden was inactive for the game. So did coach Scott Skiles give that any thought? "I gave it some thought until he missed the first bus (to the arena for extra practice for reserves)," Skiles said.

My man.


Topic: Books
I am about halfway through James Frey's My Friend Leonard, and I feel incredibly lucky to be reading such a great story in the city in which it takes place. So lucky, in fact, that I just pulled my blinds way up, on both windows (something I haven't done in a while) and turned off the lights in my apartment so that I can see the Chicago skyline as the sun goes down. The Hancock building is right there in my window, and I live in chicago, the best city in America. The city where this great book is set.


I'm lucky.

Lucky like I was to read A Moveable Feast, Velador de Noche Sonador de Dia (and meet the author), Paris no se acaba nunca, and The Sun also rises all in Paris.

That's just it, I'm very fortunate.

What I'm going to do

Is to copy over some of my recent posts from the old blog onto this one to kind of get me started. Otherwise it feels like I'm starting from scratch. And that's not bueno kids.

Here's one called Best rejection yet

Topic: Writing
Came from The Paris Review last week. It was a standard, flimsy rejection note that says:

Thank you for submitting your manuscript to The Paris Review. We regret that we are unable to make use of it at this time.

Your sincerely,
The Editors.

What makes it special and makes me feel great is that someone printed, in blue pen:

Dear Mr. Portocarrero:

That's a lot of letter to be spelling out. Bless this person's heart.

New Blogging Page

I'm attempting to transfer here form my old blog on Tripod (it was time for a move). This is much more intuitive and since I plan to redo the whole Creepy Website soon, I think it'll be a good match.


This is a test. Do not be alarmed, this is merely a test.